Monday, April 28, 2014

Enacting the Perfect 2014 Magic Draft Lottery


Because delusional dreams and unrealistic hope is something Magic fans are allowed to have.


Mark Jones: "Welcome to the 2014 NBA Draft Lottery. A look inside the room, Mark Jones here along with Jay Bilas. A big night. A lot of angst and anticipation for the 14 lottery teams. The big question at the end of the night of course is: Who will end up with the #1 pick? How would you characterize this draft class, Jay?"

Jay Bilas: "You know Jonesy, last year really was not a good draft. We the media resisted and fought that notion. We knew there were not going to be any superstars but were hoping for potentially 7 or 8 All-Star type players. That still may happen as the years progress, but for now we can say that the 2013 draft class lacked depth. THIS draft class though is stacked. Enough so that there's plenty of talent to go around for all 14 team representatives in this room today to froth at the mouth."

Mark Jones: "Thanks, Jay. Let's remind everyone how the Pre-Lottery order looks."


Mark Jones: "Well, the time has finally come for new NBA Deputy Commissioner Mark Tatum to reveal the final order of the 2014 NBA Draft. Mark."


Mark Tatum: "Thank you, Mark, and good luck everyone."


Mark Tatum: "The 14th pick goes to..."


Mark Tatum: "...the Phoenix Suns."

Mark Jones: "The Phoenix Suns finished with 48 wins in a tough Western Conference and just barely missed out on the playoffs in Jeff Hornacek's first season at the helm. The Suns have never had the first overall selection."


Mark Tatum: "The 13th pick will be made by..."


Mark Tatum: "...the Minnesota Timberwolves."


Mark Jones: "Minnesota has a crucial offseason in front of them with Head Coach Rick Adelman resigning and rumors surrounding Kevin Love's future status as a T-Wolves player."


Mark Tatum: "The 12th pick belongs to..."


Mark Tatum: "...the New Orleans Pelicans."

Mark Jones: "Oh my! You can hear the rumblings as that means that both Denver and New York have defied the odds and jumped into the top 3. The Pelicans' selection will go to Philadelphia as part of last year's Jrue Holiday trade, but all eyes are on Pat Williams and Orlando."



Mark Tatum: "Picking #11 will be..."


Mark Tatum: "...the Cleveland Cavaliers."


Mark Jones: "After winning the #1 pick last year, the Cavs selected UNLV's Anthony Bennett. Cleveland claimed they wouldn't be back in the Lottery, yet here they are again."


Mark Tatum: "The 10th pick in the draft will go to..."



Martk Tatum: "...the Detroit Pistons."


Mark Jones: "That means that the Charlotte Hornets will take that pick from Detroit."


Mark Tatum: "The 9th pick will be made by..."



Mark Tatum: "...the Sacramento Kings."

Mark Jones: "Sacramento finished 28-54 for the second consecutive season."


Mark Tatum: "The 8th pick goes to..."


Mark Tatum: "...the Los Angeles Lakers."

Mark Jones: "Eager Lakers fans will undoubtedly be disappointed for dropping a few spots."


Mark Tatum: "The 7th pick will be made by..."


Mark Tatum: "...the Boston Celtics."


Mark Jones: "The rebuilding Celtics managed 25 victories under first-year NBA Head Coach Brad Stevens."


Mark Tatum: "Pick #6 belongs to..."



Mark Tatum: "...the Utah Jazz."

Mark Jones: "After finishing with the worst record in the West, Utah chose not to retain the services of Tyrone Corbin and are seeking a new Head Coach. Still, no one aside from Denver and New York have moved up."


Mark Tatum: "Pick #5 goes to..."


Mark Tatum: "...The Philadelphia 76ers."

Mark Jones: "More reactions can be heard as that means Orlando's pick is assured to be in the top three along with Denver and New York. This is awful news for Milwaukee as we'll find out in a moment. Nerlens Noel was the 6th pick last year and Philadelphia will be keen on adding another potential star piece here with the #5 and also #12 selections."


Mark Tatum: "And the 4th pick in the 2014 NBA Draft goes to..."


Mark Tatum: "...the Milwaukee Bucks."

Mark Jones: "The worst possible scenario for the Bucks who had the best odds at the #1 pick and a 64.2% chance of being in the top 3. It's down to 3: Orlando, Denver, New York. The Magic are guaranteed two top 3 picks while Denver will have the better of their pick or the Knicks'. We'll go to a quick commercial break as we let some of the dust settle on what has been one of the most astonishing draft lotteries in recent memory."





Mark Jones: "And welcome back. You just saw the last time the Orlando Magic got the #1 pick back in 2004. Will it happen again? Back to the NBA Deputy Commissioner Mark Tatum."


Mark Tatum: "Thanks, Mark. The 3rd pick in this year's draft goes to..."


Mark Tatum: "...the New York Knicks."

Mark Jones: "That means Orlando will get that 3rd pick."


Mark Tatum: "The 2nd pick will be made by..."


Mark Tatum: "...the Denver Nuggets."



Mark Tatum: "...and that means, the #1 pick in the 2014 NBA Draft goes to..."


Mark Tatum: "...the Orlando Magic."

Mark Jones: "The Orlando Magic just celebrated their 25th Anniversary season and they are owners of the #1 pick for an unbelievable fourth time now. Denver will end up picking 2nd and the Magic will take #3 pick as well thanks to the Dwight Howard trade back in the summer of 2012. Pat Williams has brought the good karma and mojo once again to Central Florida."




3 comments:

  1. Haha I tried to get this to happen on the ESPN mock lottery about a hundred times with no luck. Would be insane if it happened tonight though!!

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  2. FUCK YOU! I BELEIVED THIS!

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  3. Lotto Winners Across America Are Terrified

    Ana

    You'd think these lotto winners would be THRILLED...

    Instead, they are terrified, because they are starting to draw a lot of unwanted attention from the news officials.

    >>> Their secret to winning could demolish the entire U.S. lotto industry. <<<

    The good news for them is that there's absolutely nothing illegal about how they won the lottery.

    Especially since the method they have been using to do it (which you can see here), is completely honest and ethical.

    I guess these people are just scared because their lives are now so dramatically different thanks to winning the lotto on a regular basis...

    And they don't want the government to make the lottery illegal.

    >>> This winning secret, if leaked, could cause lotto companies to go belly-up. <<<

    ReplyDelete